Calling Occupants

you know what the Hunger Games makes me hungry for?

2012-01-24T13:13:00.003-05:00

more hunger games! :) Suzy's done it again, (along with quite a few others), she highly recommended the Hunger Games trilogy. Holy moly, I'm in love again. I always read the good books too fast. And then I spend the next week mourning the closing of that world. I may become a little too attached to the characters. hmmm. There's just something about a good book.

What did I love most?
I love fantasy/scifi fiction anyway. But a new work requires something fresh. A fresh spin on old themes. I found this picture of our culture gone awry fascinating. The idea of Survivor meets the old gladiators. Watching the destruction of others from the comfort of our homes. Our cultures tireless quest for beauty and fashion driving towards the ever more absurd. New and exciting ways to torture people (i HATE the concept of torture btw). And... I'm a hopeless romantic, and I loved Peeta from start to finish. Other favorite characters: Haymitch, Cinna and Finnick.

happy sigh...

hellooo.

2012-01-24T12:37:00.000-05:00

I feel like we need to get reacquainted. It's been a while. How's it going? I'm doing better than I have been in a while. The end of 2011 was a nice beginning of something new for us. J picked up a side job thanks to an old friend. He's what they call a casual employee, but has been able to work as much as he's wanted. He's been working between 60-90 hours combined. I'm not sure what his exact title is - he's I think a sourcing specialist, supporting recruiters for a large energy job sourcing company - something like that. Basically he calls people all day, screening everybody from coal workers, pipe cleaners (for real), and nuclear engineers from all over the world - to see if they are good candidates for open positions. He loves it. I'm glad. He's still working from home, but we are actively seeking an office space for him to work bi-vocationally out of. Hopefully by March he'll be out. yay :) I've loved having him home, but it will be nice for us all to have our space. It's awfully hard for him to call candidates with a mini-zoo in the background! Funny enough, our kids can be running around the place and sound like a herd of elephants, but it's the birds they hear. Weird huh?

So, yeah, Jeremy's bi-vocational again, but we feel very at peace with things. If you would have told us that even six months ago, we would've been like, "um no, i think we're done." But this has obviously been a God opportunity. To be honest, last year completely sucked like no other. We weren't quite sure we were going to make it to 2012 in one piece. So for the holidays to approach, which often like it or not doubles the stress of tired, financially strapped parents, and then have this job float down in front of us like a silver parachute (for you Suzy ;) - it was a true help for the weary! We were able to breathe a sigh of relief. See a light at the end of the tunnel. Pay our bills, decorate the house and buy gifts even. By the end of the year, we were able to look around us, and although exhausted and still nursing some wounds, see that we still have all that matters. No matter what fires may come, we come through stronger. The chaff and dirt long gone.

January has been a month of discussion, healing, refocusing and optimism. We don't know what 2012 we'll bring, but we do know that we we'll be here to push back the darkness. We'll meet one more person and take that scary risk again and again. It's that terrifying realization that danger is inherent in who we are and what we do. To be us, we'll be open and authentic and honestly imperfect. To do what we do, we'll let people in. We'll trust, love, and share our most precious possessions - our hearts, our family, our time, our home... Honestly, the thought can make me a little queasy, especially when I think of past heart-breakers. Ah well, this hearts gotta be good for at least another round.

This last year we were so close to giving up. Like Atreyu in the swamps. Like my favorite otr song, Latter Days. I coined a new phrase by the year's end: "the purple preacher eaters." The idea of wolves in sheep's clothing is terrifying when you experience it. Picture yourself on a peaceful hillside with your prized lamb sitting on your lap, and a sheep-turned-wolf trying to tear it apart in front of you. Not cool. Yeah well, we didn't give up. realHope is still here. God has protected it and will continue to. And we're happy and grateful.

More changes are around the bend, I'll keep you posted. Glad we caught up ;) Much love across the miles.

r.i.p. Mr. Pan

2011-12-11T21:15:00.001-05:00

my kind of flow chart

2011-09-28T21:58:00.001-04:00

it made me chuckle out loud - Jeremy and Luke both kept asking what I was looking at. I said, "Oh, only something Mom would find funny." ;)

webified

2011-09-20T22:07:00.001-04:00

Look into your heart...

2011-09-19T21:30:00.004-04:00

well, actually, today I'll let you look inside mine. I'm needing catharsis, of some kind, somehow. I'm hoping that maybe writing again will let that happen. I have a surprising ability to not talk. Some of you who know me well might say, yeah right! But the truth is that the more I have going on inside, the quieter I get. And it's not that I don't have close people, who I trust, who I know would listen in a heartbeat. I. just. can't. It's like I turn mute.

Jeremy is always as close as my own heart. He is the one person I manage to talk to no matter what. He'll listen as I pour out all of my feelings and everything that's banging around inside my head - stream-of-consciousness style. I'm so grateful for that. The crazy thing is though, that it is often like talking to a mirror, especially lately. We feel mostly the same way. So tired, sometimes angry, stressed, straining towards hope, fighting all of the fears that weigh a human being down - how will we do it? how will we provide for our family? what happens if this crashes around us? and why God...?

wow this has been a long road. The particular road I'm referring to at the moment is planting realHope. I look back down that road - and it almost reminds me of a country dirt road. I think of when we started. Almost like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, with, in some ways, little more than our little nap sacks on our backs. We set out on an adventure we couldn't ignore. Status quo just wasn't going to work for us anymore. Something down that road was calling us. I still remember exactly what that something was. It was the hope that the church really could be the hands and feet of Jesus in Fuquay. That this hope that we hold in our hearts. This love that binds the most unlikely people together. This faith that heals the deepest brokenness. This God, this Jesus, this one Spirit is worth our everything. It's either who we are or not. Vocational Ministry is surely a horrible choice for a career. Yes, that's what I said. It will never pay enough in worldly terms to warrant the amount of pain and sacrifice required. It must be an inseparable way of being. A passion that is as impossible to ignore as breathing. Otherwise, it's pointless. Who wants to play at church? I can't imagine stomaching that. If you don't believe enough to let it consume all of you- or to at least give God that opportunity over time - then why do it?

I guess that's why we can't quit. Sure we've thought about it loads of times down the road. More recently than ever. Our feet are blistered, our legs are weary, and our hearts are sore. But every time we've had The Conversation, I've told Jeremy, "If we don't do this, if we walk away, it will not be to just go do some other ministry. We'll run away and live on the beach like bums." I know that seems silly and extreme, but I guess I've always been an all or nothing sort of person. I can't fake it - not really. That's how much I believe in what God has called us to. Either we believe He wanted realHope in this community or not. Either we believe that He can change lives or not. There is no cut and run. If we decide to turn our back on what God has called us to - we might as well just go and live blissfully hedonistic lives that require no sacrifice and as little discomfort as possible. hmmmm. Tempting, but still no.

It's this passion that drives us to protect realHope as fiercely as a tiger would protect her cubs. It's worth too much - the stakes are too high. It requires more than just being nice to one another. Comfortable and swaying with every whim. It requires being good to one another. Choosing the good, or striving for the better, even when we don't want to, and even saying no when needed.

So yeah, this road's been long - and narrow - and bumpy. Starting out we were amazed at the people who supported us and surprised by the people who didn't. People have a funny way of surprising you one way or another. Along the way we have met some extraordinary people. The blood people. The kind who are with you through thick and thin. The kind who have your back and will stand up with you, even when fair weather has long gone. But what can I say? People are people. Human. There are some who we've loved and lost one way or another. I told a younger someone recently that this wasn't our first time through sad people situations. I said that it got easier, in the sense that you're never quite as shocked as you were the very first time. But the truth is, it's never easy. Hurt is hurt no matter when. It's hard to feel the sharp pain, anger and confusion that a broken relationship leaves in it's wake. And then to decide to risk it all again in relationships - knowing full well what might happen. I suppose that's where true love and hope comes in. True hope doesn't die.

Welp, it's been therapeutic for me. Maybe it will give your eyes a tiny escape from work ;) Thank you blood people - you know who you are. You have a beautiful way of making the long hard road worth while.

12 years of you and me

2011-08-04T15:55:00.001-04:00

1: Macbeth, Shakespeare's Globe Theater in London, England
2: St. John's Inn, Portland, Maine
3: Topsail Beach, NC
4: Tail of the Whale, Nag's Head, NC
5: Marriott & the Old Spaghetti Factory, Atlanta, GA
6: Maggiano's, Durham, NC
7: the Cheesecake Factory, Durham, NC
8: Sheraton & Tir na Nog, Raleigh NC
9: Rockfish Grille, Durham, NC
10: Bogart's, Raleigh, NC
11: Brio's, Raleigh, NC

August 7, 1999

2011-08-03T15:30:00.002-04:00

unexpected fun

2011-07-26T11:21:00.001-04:00

I wrote a short story about Xander about a month ago as an entry in a Pet Pals contest, and found out this week he was one of the runner's up. How cool is that?!!

Here's what I wrote:
Xander is our four year old short haired black and white cat. We've had him since he was a little kitten. At the time we had a dog and had agreed to not get a cat yet. I had my heart set on an all black one, and probably a girl. My husband dropped our dog off at the vet for a visit and saw this tiny little fur ball. One of the workers had found him by a dumpster by himself. My husband came home gushing about this kitty, knowing what I would say. I decided to humor him and go see him for myself. He was nothing like I was looking for and completely perfect! His markings were unique and he had the sweetest disposition that melted your heart right away! From the beginning I was his momma! We named him Xander after a character on Buffy (her friend - more of a lover than a fighter ;). When he was little, he would wake me up in the morning laying on my chest meowing. I called him my kitty dog, because he would come running when I called him, just like a puppy. He's grown into a very handsome cat. He loves to hunt and lounge outside, and comes home for long naps and quite a few meals! When I got pregnant with our daughter he was especially cuddly and when she was born, would even lay quietly beside her in front of the fireplace. He's tolerated all of the classic kid stuff. Including her putting stickers all over him! I look forward to winters, because he is on my lap every evening, especially when there's a fire going. I don't know what I would do without my handsome guy. I absolutely love my Xander. (and the best part is that I'd always been more of a dog person! ;D

We win a $25 gift certificate to the Pet Pantry, who sponsored this contest. We've been ordering from the Pet Pantry for about a year and a half now. It's locally made pet food, with all natural quality ingredients. We started ordering from them originally when we started fostering Great Danes. Great Danes are prone to bloat, and allergic to corn, which is apparently a main ingredient in most dog foods (surprise, surprise). They have a variety of lines to choose from, and deliver for free. We love them! Thanks Pet Pantry!

a fish story

2011-06-08T13:13:00.011-04:00

WARNING: a really long post about fish. if you're not into fish and aquariums, you'll be bored out of your mind. ;)

we started with a 55 gallon tank given to us by Jeremy's brother.

My first foray into aquarium keeping.

(2008) Red barbs to get the party started. They eventually all died.

A long series of fish from Petsmart over two years. Angelfish - so tiny and sickly when we got them. A super cool pictus catfish named Kitty. A first really sad encounter with Ick. Things had been going so well...

Starting over - an introduction to aquarium salt in a tropical tank. lifesaver, literally.

Trying a few cichlids, a Jack Dempsey, two Firemouth cichlids and a Jack Knife Fish. Super cool fish, but no fun playing with others. Jack got HUGE and wanted to eat everything in sight. So no hope of more angelfish. Jimmy the Jack Knife ate only live feeders. Creepy and cool at the same time. We fed him weekly. It was like watching the animal channel. As soon as we put the bag in, he would start poking at the bag. Poor little fish, but apparently really delicious. The other cichlids grabbed a few as well, especially Jack. Jimmy died one morning when a toddler took him out to play with him... (oops, sad first lesson on death.) Sold Jack for double what I paid for him in a Garner Petsmart parking lot. Hello Craig's list! Also sold the two firemouths from my house. Instant cash for new fish!

(1.09) This time I avoided the tiny Petsmart angelfish, and drove to Coats (~20minutes away) to buy some babies off of craigslist. What an experience! Driving out to a trailor in the middle of nowhere with my 4 year old! I bought 8 for $12! (Petsmart charges ~$5/each!). I drove them home in a cut off milk jug. They didn't miss a beat. They grew into huge beautiful fish - all eight!!! They paired up. Little by little I sold off pairs on craigslist to give each other room. Selling pairs in different parking lots. Two couples kept trying to have babies. We had wrigglers at one point but they didn't make it (even with a divider and a breeder basket. Several got caught in the crevices of the breeder basket! We also added a Black Ghost Knife Fish (from Petsmart). Gorgeous odd fish, but he also ate the eggs they laid during the night. Eventually, I whittled the angelfish down to two,

A happy tank with two adult angelfish, a blackghost knife fish (Morpheus), and a pictus catfish (Oxford). Bought two tiny fish fry - Albino Bristlenose Plecos from a guy down the road off of CL. So much cooler than the regular grey plecos!

I found some clown loaches and a yoyo loach for a steal on craiglist. And then picked up three Serpae tetras, a bleeding heart, an Australian Rainbow fish, a turquoise rainbow, and a Bosemani fish to add color and fill the missing space from the other angelfish.

We lost the rainbows and boesmani due to random issues. Probably water quality... Kind of sad about the Boesmani (left) because he was apparently an endangered species.

Used some shady chemicals right before a trip out of town and lost three big beautiful fish. The female angel (~5"), the black ghost knife (who'd grown to be ~4.5"), and the pictus (~4.5"), so sad.

(5.11) So I posted an ad on CL for a lonely Male angelfish looking for a mate. Several weeks later, someone responded, he just sent me a picture of them the other day. They've already started laying eggs. How fun is that?!!!

I took this opportunity to do a much needed aquarium renovation. I siphoned ~10-15gallons of water into two plastic containers, put the fish into the larger one, siphoned the rest of the water out. Removed the yucky old sand. Gave the tank a good scrub. Put in a new seashell and stone substrate that had been rinsed really well. All collected from our last trip to Topsail beach a week ago, and some driftwood from our trip to Edenton bay, and a few shells we had from past beach trips. Put a black background up and put in a new bubble wand and stone. It looks so pretty!

I took the money from the last angelfish and went to our new Petco - so nice and clean! And bought two (tiny!) veil tail angelfish, two (tiny) regular angelfish, a sunset platy, a red painted platy, a red wag platy, and a mickey platy. The platys add some fun color and are small enough to be good with the tiny angelfish right now. Eventually I would love to explore some Guorami's and some funny looking pot belly mollies, we'll see. I'm still trying to get rid of at least the serpae tetras.

Probably my favorite fish right now is Harry the albino bristlenose pleco. He's ~3.5" now! He's very chill and beautiful.

too much to mention

2011-06-08T11:40:00.000-04:00

i've really missed blogging... for a while though, posting has taken more energy than I have. This year has already been a long one. Not bad by any means, just full and kind of exhausting. We've entered the fourth year of realHope. It's been an amazing ride, but wow we're tired! Especially Jeremy. In some ways he's kind of been like Atlas - holding the world on his shoulders. The church is growing by leaps and bounds, thriving and beautiful. A dream come true - how often can you say that?! We've made wonderful friends and grown this church family that we can't imagine life without.

However, for our family, our behind-the-scenes - it sometimes feels like year one for us. We sacrifice, simplify, refocus, repeat and are simply often weary. Financially, it's a long road. That's ok. We've made our choices, we've chosen different priorities and we would do it again and again. We've just learned that on this journey, it requires periodic adjustments, and mandatory respites in order to manage the long haul. It also helps to actively practice not coveting our neighbors. We can't manage contentment if we're looking at the Jones.

I think back over the past several years at all of the different things we have done/tried to make ends meet and to accommodate church planting. Year one Jeremy worked some crazy hours at the Sheraton downtown - including Christmas eve and day. Year two, Jeremy drove 1.5 hours to Tarboro to manage a call center, while I took care of Luke (3.5) and Julianne as a baby and began cleaning his boss' house weekly. That soon developed into working countless hours as a personal assistant, driving 35 minutes both ways, errands, painting and home improvement odds and ends and puppy sitting. Year three, Jeremy was laid off, but finally able to come onto paid staff at realHope! I worked for Starbuck's for 10 months doing closes, four to five nights a week including holidays. I ended the year and entered year four, watching an SB friend's infant girl for ~6months. Now in year four, Jeremy is paid full-time and I just went back to Starbuck's. This time I am doing opens - starting at 5am until noon. What a ride!

I can honestly say that church planting has made us do things we would never have done otherwise. Given us unique experiences and grown us in unexpected ways. Our faith has grown, and so has our contentment. We've learned to not sweat the bank account, to focus on what's most important, to be grateful every day for what we have, and to look around us at all of the ways that God provides. I can honestly say that despite the weariness at times, doubt or even frustrations, I wouldn't choose any other life. I love what God is doing in our life and in the lives around us.

In terms of respite- Starbuck's is that for me. Kind of funny, since it's plenty of hard work. Strange, but I love the place. I love the way that it is a kind of sweet (although dysfunctional) family. I love the relationships and the free coffee's good too. I get to get out and just be me for a while. I'm up and almost done with work before Jules even misses me. Grandma J helps take Luke to school and is there if Jeremy needs help with Jules. Julianne so easy though (most days), so right now it's working. And, the best news is that Jeremy is planning a sabbatical for the month of July. We'll still be here, but Jeremy will take the month off from preaching, and take some time to rejuvenate. We'll take some family time, and some serious time to catch up on the house (which has been on the back burner for too long.)

So, yeah, things are good.

ah, Percy Jackson...

2011-06-02T13:59:00.000-04:00

So, my best friend, who's basically the coolest librarian in the world, and just an all-round amazing person recommends books to me from time to time.

She'd been after me to read this Rick Riordan series for a while. I had her copy of The Lightning Thief sitting on my shelf for months. Finally I picked it up a couple of weeks ago, and then ended up devouring the entire series - five books, lots of pages. It was soooo good. Yep, she was right again. (Back in the day, she also recommended Harry Potter. I was skeptical back then too. I was hesitant to read a very popular young readers book. And both of these series are now on my favorite's list.)

So, my Reading Rainbow schpill would be:

Rick Riordan's series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians is amazing! I highly recommend these books. They're so exciting they don't even need pictures. But don't take my word for it, go to your local library or bookstore and see what they're all about!

cue music...

And as like a bonus - Riordan has a follow up series Heroes of Olympus, and another very popular Kane series! Sweet! This guy is quite the busy writer!

love grits

2011-05-04T11:46:00.000-04:00

Southern Living 4.2010

bd!

2011-05-02T12:13:00.001-04:00

source

o happy day

2011-04-25T00:02:00.000-04:00

How Deep the Father's Love For Us...

2011-04-22T17:38:00.001-04:00

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

curbly giveaway!

2011-03-28T14:19:00.000-04:00

these people are amazing!

2011-03-27T00:13:00.000-04:00

Free picture slideshow created with Smilebox

ever feel like a Maid?

2011-03-23T11:20:00.001-04:00

i s'pose I could at least be a happy one...

except, this is more me:

and so is this:

myjobchart.com is my hopeful step toward more hands chipping in...

wanna make one? i do!

2011-02-28T21:20:00.000-05:00

got these chains on me

2011-02-26T19:42:00.002-05:00

i heart sleep

2011-02-16T10:53:00.000-05:00

and beautiful art:

sleep elevations by Maia Flore

just beautiful.

thanks for introducing us Elsie!

Suzy is reMarthable!

2011-02-15T23:37:00.000-05:00

Our very own Suzy B was featured on the Martha Stewart show! Martha has been running a contest for reMarthable ideas - craft ideas with creative twists, and Suzy's was one of the ideas featured. How awesome is that?!!! Check it out here!

another Happy Heart Day

2011-02-14T23:33:00.000-05:00

a day that starts with hearts, sending Luke to school with a bag full of Valentine's, includes a Mexican lunch with my Honey, a stroll downtown Apex to peek in a few new shops (including one that carries locally spun yarn!), dinner with Valentine's surprises for the kids (Jules got an outfit, Luke a little Halo megablocks, and both mini m&ms and a ringpop), and a warm Hello drop-by at J's parents, all makes for a good happy heart day...

a beautiful day in the neighborhood

2011-02-14T23:08:00.000-05:00

this is the sight that greets us on our way to or from Luke's school each day. When we're really lucky the sky is blue, and the air is warm and the sun makes the pond shimmer.

I couldn't help myself. Today as I headed home, the sight just took my breath away (the pictures never do it justice). So I pulled the minivan in (an obvious sign that I'm not even supposed to be there!) and went to pet the horses. They are the sweetest (we've stopped here before - to take family pictures ;).

i so want to go!

2011-02-12T10:59:00.000-05:00

I watched a segment on this folk school on PBS this morning. How lovely! I want to go some time!

A Unique History

(Folk School Founders, Olive Dame Campbell and Marguerite Butler)

John C. Campbell, born in Indiana in 1867, and raised in Wisconsin, studied education and theology in New England. Like many other idealistic young people of his generation, he felt a calling to humanitarian work.

At the turn of the century, the Southern Appalachian region was viewed as a fertile field for educational and social missions. With his new bride, Olive Dame of Massachusetts, John undertook a fact-finding survey of social conditions in the mountains in 1908-1909. The Campbells outfitted a wagon as a traveling home and studied mountain life from Georgia to West Virginia.

While John interviewed farmers about their agricultural practices, Olive collected ancient Appalachian ballads and studied the handicrafts of the mountain people. Both were hopeful that the quality of life could be improved by education, and in turn, wanted to preserve and share with the rest of the world the wonderful crafts, techniques and tools that mountain people used in every day life.

The folkehojskole (folk school) had long been a force in the rural life of Denmark. These schools for life helped transform the Danish countryside into a vibrant, creative force. The Campbells talked of establishing such a school in the rural southern United States as an alternative to the higher-education facilities that drew young people away from the family farm.

After John died in 1919, Olive and her friend Marguerite Butler traveled to Europe and studied folk schools in Denmark, Sweden and other countries. They returned to the U.S. full of purposeful energy and a determination to start such a school in Appalachia. They realized, more than many reformers of the day, that they could not impose their ideas on the mountain people. They would need to develop a genuine collaboration.

Several locations were under consideration for the experimental school. On an exploratory trip, Miss Butler discussed the idea with Fred O. Scroggs, Brasstown's local storekeeper, saying that she would be back in a few weeks to determine if area residents had any interest in the idea. When she returned, it was to a meeting of over 200 people at the local church. The people of far west North Carolina enthusiastically pledged labor, building materials and other support.

In 1925, the Folk School began its work. Instruction at the Folk School has always been noncompetitive; there are no credits and no grades. Today, the Folk School offers a unique combination of rich history, beautiful mountain surroundings, and an atmosphere of living and learning together.

come on closer

2011-01-07T09:33:00.001-05:00

somewhere over the 2011 rainbow

2010-12-31T00:03:00.001-05:00

A daunting list to come up with, but what is life without dreams? I liked having a list to look back on in 2010, goals to accomplish and dreams to aim for. We'll see what this new year brings!

1. reupholster armchair - in progress

2. sew baby quilt

3. put together a VG business plan and do research - in progress

4. set up Varina's Garden etsy store

5. make some VG inventory

6. Scrape the rest of the popcorn ceiling (kitchen, hall, master, bathrooms)

7. Paint kids bath, paint cabinet, new fixtures

8. Paint hallway

9. Paint master

10. New ceiling fan in master

11. Refloor upstairs

12. Quarter round

13. Get first tattoo

14. go on a trip with Suzy

15. visit Grandma in FL

16. start a yoga class - I love it!!!

17. get a bike and ride with the kids

18. go to Over the Rhine concert (Christmas in Cincy ?)

19. Romantic getaway

20. Finish organizing office and craft stuff - inch by inch!

21. Read the Bible - in slowwwww progress

22. Redo aquarium with new backdrop

23. Reupholster second armchair

24. Get an area rug for living room

25. Fix light fixture in Jule's closet

26. Find bunkbed for Luke

27. Go horseback riding

28. Get riding boots

29. Plant new rose bush

30. Grow vegetables

31. Finish Luke's scrapbook

32. Scrapbook for Julianne

33. Make photobook as gift - mom & dad loved it!

34. Make anniversary photobook

35. Frame and hang wedding pictures

36. Hang stairway pictures

37. Armoire

38. Find antique craft armoire

39. Update and make VG business cards and site

40. Make and hang curtains in Julianne's room

41. Make and hang curtain in Luke's room

42. Replace faux wood blinds

43. Fix downstairs folding doors

44. Hang kitchen valance

45. Redo master bathroom

46. Hang curtain line for Luke's closet

47. Sew easter dress for Jules and I

48. Make Halloween costumes

49. Throw Halloween party

50. Take the kids to the zoo

51. Go on NY mission trip

52. Reorganize laundry closet

53. Sell old bedroom suite

54. Buy new mattress and new set

55. Take Jules to library more often

56. Go on dates with Luke

57. Take Luke to Imax

58. Go to the beach at least 3 times

59. Sew a winter purse

60. Find a royal blue bridesmaid dress or make one

61. Knit scarves

62. Finish knit throw

63. Knit Jules hat

64. Knit hat for self

65. Frame and hang barn pictures

66. Volunteer in school library

67. Make a necklace and earrings

68. Learn to work with silver

69. Read another Donald Miller book

70. Read Anne Rice's Jesus books

71. Read Rice's Angel books

72. Knit sweater

73. Sew throw pillows

74. Stitch Tudor rose needlepoint

75. Sew outdoor cushions

76. make realHope onesies

77. learn to ride a motorcycle

78. learn to shoot

79. go camping (for real)

80. meet my new nephew!!!

81. watch my little sis get married!!!

82. throw a smashing bachelorette shower!

83. work with Danes

84. visit Venice, FL

85. Visit IN Mullins

86. Catch up with old friends and meet their kids in Atlanta - their kids are darling! I can't wait to see them again!

87. cook some

88. Go on dates to new places

89. study some Greek

90. Take a sewing class

91. Plant blackberry and blueberry bushes

92. Take out holly bushes

93. Plant smoke tree

94. Plant Crepe Myrtle

95. Build trellis

96. Put in swing

97. have regular girls nights - already had one!

98. read a new author

99. Put in stone edging

100. be involved in a smallgroup

2010 was a good year

2010-12-30T23:07:00.001-05:00

Looking back - what a year! Here are a few things I conquered from my 2010 list and a few happy surprises.

hey! whadjaget?!

2010-12-26T00:12:00.005-05:00

I had such a lovely Christmas filled with sweet surprises and happy memories. We decided to stay home this year, here in NC. Christmas tends to call me down home to Georgia. It's the big one for my side of the family, and I cherished growing up and getting together with everybody. I miss it when I'm away. We went down last year, so we decided to stay home this year. There's just something about having the kids wake up at their house with Santa having coming down their chimney to fill stockings and leave gifts under our tree.

Today was a lovely Christmas. Luke has been trying to figure out the Santa thing all season long. The little boy in him wants to believe, but the big boy in him is skeptical and very curious to solve the mystery! He asked that we leave Santa a note for him to sign to prove that he is real. :) I love that kid! He woke up to his first real Bike. A super sweet 20" Schwinn, black with flames on the sides, and a cool camo helmet. And the much longed for big tub of army men. That crazy kid walked right past the bike and looked over the army guys in awe. It wasn't long before he was setting up bases and army battles. His other favorite toy was a Puppy pillow pet from my parents. He wanted one so bad! He loves it! He also got a Laser and dart gun set from Papa and J. He spent the rest of the night shooting everyone. (I wonder if they regretted it by the end of the night. :)

Jules was tired, Luke actually had to wake her up at 8:30am! She took in the room kind of stoically. She grabbed her new white polar teddy and laid down on the couch and munched on her mini oreos. Funny girl! After some prompting she opened her gifts. One of the favorites was a little Belle castle and a little Pet Shop set. She just loves those little bitty toys. (My favorite was the Rainbow Brite my parents sent for her. The original was my absolute favorite toy when I was a kid.) She also got a super cute Fur Real baby monkey from Grandma J.

After a morning here at our house, we went over to Jeremy's parents for the rest of the day. We had a great time opening more presents. I was super excited about getting to give them presents this year - a cool mug with pictures of the grandkids on it for Tim, and a pretty necklace for J. We had a delicious dinner and homemade apple dumplings - they were amazing! There is something so relaxing about being over there. I slept on the couch as the kids played. Bliss. Here at home we watched Despicable me - Jeremy hadn't seen it yet. It's so funny. And here we wait for the snow.

So here are a few of my favorite surprises:

the Born boots I really, really wanted. They fit like a glove. I LOVE them! My hubby also surprised me with Despicable me which was on my list and a Nikon Coolpix!!!! I've seriously needed a new camera for a while and love this one!

One of my favorites from my parents is the new Jars of Clay cd. I already love it! And this super cute perfume! How adorable!

And last but not least, my wonderful inlaws got me this sweater I've been eying for the longest time! I love it and it's super cozy!

so whadjaget?!!

days like these are ones to remember!

2010-12-25T23:17:00.002-05:00

Scrapbook created with Smilebox

Have Yourself a Merry Christmas!

2010-12-23T19:44:00.000-05:00

Personalize a free digital collage

cheers to misfits!

2010-12-18T21:54:00.001-05:00

I'd never heard the story before:

The Story of Rudolph

A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.

His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob's wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.

Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression.

Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938.

Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined to make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there.

The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print,_ Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer _ and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph . That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book.

In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn't end there either.

Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore, it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."

The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.

(and ouch Bing Crosby, blew that one! ;)

2010 in short hand

2010-12-17T13:13:00.000-05:00

conclusions

2010-12-05T20:37:00.000-05:00

So, I've come to a few conclusions:

1. I am a hedonist.

2. I am an avid Greener-grasser.

3. I am rediculously self-addicted.

These are conclusions I've been mulling over for a while. They are certainly not new. I've been growing into these traits for a long time. But one of the happy joys of one's thirties seems to be an increased understanding of self - who am I, what makes me tick and what's made me this way... Oh, and one more thing, how do I change for the better?

I am just a couple of chapters shy of finishing Blue Like Jazz for the first time. (I know I'm late on this train - this book has been around.) It's one of those that's just hit me right. Donald Miller speaks a language that I can understand. He describes a Christian spirituality I can actually get. I don't feel so alone in my skeptical review of church as usual. And this book feeds my hope for something different. Church done differently - life lived differently. Not a complete disavowal and certainly not a judgement, but a recentering if you will. A reexamination of our, of my m.o.

Me: You see I'm a funny kind of Christian - kind of a misfit in some ways. I told Jeremy the other day in the car that maybe I'm like the elf that wants to be a dentist, a misfit toy. :) I love God - not a warm fuzzy happy love, more like a deep, quiet love, that cries and even rages, one that comes from deep inside - a Truth that once encountered won't be denied. God and I have had a relationship since I was a child. And although my upbringing tended toward religious and legalistic - that was never all that it was about with me. I was baptized when I was 7. Not because I was some programmed little kid in psycho Christian fundamental land. No, I was a pretty sharp 7 year old I think. I loved Jesus (and God). I had already learned quite a bit about the Bible and knew exactly why I wanted to be a committed follower of Christ. It was about Love.

And although I've gone through plenty of different seasons of faith, countless doubts, growth and searching, I never truly walked away from God. It something that regardless of how I felt, the doubts that may have overwhelmed me, I couldn't just walk away from absolute Truth. What I have had my ins and outs with has been Christian pop culture. As a young one searching for your way, it's so disorienting to try to navigate a spiritual life in a hyper Evangelistic "Christian" pop culture. It's like walking around a town that seems to be saying the right things, and looks pretty good too, but something just feels off, you know? Like if you walk through a door, you'll see that it's all just a facade - kind of like an elaborate movie set.

In college, I started to call it bubble Christianity - bumper sticker Christianity and T-shirt Christians. Because to me it seemed that as the Christian community, the church around me, was more concerned with keeping ourselves untainted by the filthy world. So much so, we would regard them as unclean. Their art was unclean. Their music unclean. Their speech, certainly. Our only hope was to have a world set apart within this one. Every now and then making a brave foray into enemy territory to deliver a track or crusade and then high-tailing it back to base. More concerned with hot topics like homosexuality and abortion than seeing those around us through the lenses of Christ's love. More concerned about protecting ourselves and our children than loving those around us - truly loving them where they are, as they are.

I know I'm being kind of hard core about that culture, but it's the critique that comes from a member of that circus. I certainly don't think the church is evil. I love the Church - as Christ sees it. I love what it is meant to be, and the Christ followers who are truly that, and even all the many of us who are well-intentioned, but have missed the mark. I also own my part of that. The many times I've been exactly that, just part of a show - just playing a part. I am sorry for my falsity, my hatred, my selfishness, my self-righteousness and pride, my judgment and my flagrant hypocrisy, the confession could go on and on. But what then?

As a true product of my generation, I need something real. I would rather have the ugly truth than have some false pretense. I don't want to hear about how sweet Jesus is or how he's softly and tenderly calling. This isn't Candyland, and there are truly times when I read church stuff and I think I might go into a sugar coma. Life is hard. It is gritty and dirty and even stinky. If I feel that way as a Christ follower and long-time member of the church, I know my peers feel that way. It's not just our hypocrisy that's killing the church. It's our unwillingness to set ourselves aside and try just loving people one by one. Introducing God and his Son by the way we live and more importantly the way we love. No longer trying to change people. Silencing our tongues and using our ears. Daily readjusting our vision - ready to see the world around us with an intentional mission - to love people like Jesus. Being willing to do church differently. Understanding that the Church is going to look a lot different than we had pictured it, filled with all kinds of people.

Even now, at this very moment, I find myself falling into cliches. Wanting simply to say the right things. The truth is that I don't always feel like a Christian. I don't just love to pray. I don't relish reading my Bible for hours on end. I don't enjoy most popular Christian books or music. As a preacher's wife, or otherwise. Weird, huh? What I do love is humanity. I love that we exist. I love the struggle of humanity. I love the emotion, the journey, the search, the triumph. I love what community can look like and feel like. And true unbridled Love is amazing. It makes my heart beat faster, not just the romantic kind. Just the true kind. It's what makes life worth living, and what makes you want there to be no end. Hope raises me up. It lifts me out of myself - my pessimism, my selfishness, my darkness and draws me forward. The hope that my faith will be made stronger, and one day fulfilled. The hope that people do change and seeing how that life change makes all of the difference to one person, and then a whole family, and then a whole neighborhood! How, beyond belief, miracles do seem to happen. And even the most skeptical of us, I think, has those secret suspicions. I love the way that my faith doubles in size (kind of like the Grinch's heart) when I let go of fear and just leap. And once you leap, and feel and see the hand of God catch you, you do it again, and again and again. What I do know is that I don't want me without God. I am a fragment, a mere shadow of who I am with Him. I can't give you an equation, I can't write that as a philosophical argument, but stick with me and you'll see it. I hope you will.

Anyhow, this book has challenged me to assess my spiritual journey, the ways I've been less than true, and the ways I've just kind of wallowed in myself. How can I as a hedonistic, greener-grassing, self-absorbed Christ follower love the people around me and change for the better? I think I'll just take it little by little - embracing community and working to love those around me in an authentic way. We'll see...

(thanks for sticking with me if you've had the patience to read this crazy-long rambling post)
I leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes from the book:

"In his book Orthodoxy, G. K. Chesterton says chess players go crazy, not poets. I think he's right. you'd go crazy trying to explain penguins. It's best just to watch them and be entertained. I don't think you can explain how Christian faith works either. It is a mystery. And I love this about Christian spirituality. It cannot be explained, and yet it is beautiful and true. It is something you feel, and it comes from the soul."

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.)"

tis the season

2010-12-04T13:51:00.004-05:00

Tis the season for wishes -

"If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of potential -- for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints; possibility never." Soren Kierkegaard

and my favorite "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride."

Here are a few lovely things I'm wishing for:

a cruiser bicycle - i love this one in particular (Cream by Schwinn)

this adorable movie!

this music:

this sweater:

these adorable (wide) boots:

and this tattoo

I'm thinking of having it done here.

a world away

2010-12-04T12:43:00.000-05:00

I don't need anything. I have what I need and more. I was reminded again of that fact as I watched dateline as Clooney and Anne Curry visited the Sudan. Wow, it's amazing how insulated I've become. I was reminded that there is a whole world out there. People experience so many things I've never had to and hopefully never will. I just wanted to reach through the screen and help one of those kids. Hoping that they won't have impending war ruin everything around them. I am blessed. Life, my healthy family, two beautiful children, a warm cozy home and food in our bellies... yes, I have everything I need and then some.

Valentino and the beautiful kids in Marial Bai, Sudan.

getting inked?

2010-11-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

So, I've been plotting for a while to get a tattoo. I originally planned to get one in the middle of my upper back, but have decided to get a smaller one first. This one will be on my left wrist.
Care to weigh in on the design?

I am still working on a design I'm happy with for the one on my back. If you love to sketch or have ideas I would love to hear your thoughts! I would like it to incorporate a passion flower. But prefer simple clean sketch lines rather than the typical tacky flower tattoo. I want to incorporate the passage from Revelation 21:4, possibly a celtic cross in the very center of the flower and the three words: faith, hope and love (in greek - elpis, pistis, agape).

hanging up my hat

2010-10-11T12:31:00.008-04:00

where to start? where to start? I've thought of blogging plenty of times, but the prospect of writing anything worth reading has seemed too daunting for the longest time. Besides the new challenge of getting to my computer which is constantly guarded by a two-year old computer nazi! (Seriously not kidding. More on that in a separate post.)

The past several months have been another adjustment to change. After working at Starbuck's for 10 months I decided to quit. Jeremy and I had had quite a few conversations about the possibility of me quitting. When I got the job - I needed it and we needed it. I needed some time and space or I was going to lose my mind. Luke started kindergarten, I'd been a stay-at-home mom for five years, my daughter was two, and I needed to find myself again. Identity crisis.
I absolutely loved working there. I loved being good at something other than being a wife and a mom. It was something separate, something that was just mine. New people got to know me as Christie, not just Jeremy's wife or Luke and Julianne's mommy. I'd forgotten what that felt like. I had a suspicion, but soon realized how much of me I'd forgotten or put aside. I loved most getting to know new people - real people of all different ages and backgrounds - ugly sides and the good parts. I loved being a positive influence in the work environment, just by being hard-working and consistent - it was a great working lesson of how far authenticity and kindness go with people. Just proves what I've always known to be true - everyone needs a little love, some hope and a chance - most people just want to be seen (regardless of how tough or horrible or different they may seem at first). I became the pastry case queen. My coworkers raved that I could set up and maintain a mean pastry case. I became a master closer, every night sweaty after a job well done. And I loved working the front - greeting customers and getting to know regulars - serving coffee all day sounds good to me!

Too bad there was a downside. After 10 months of being a closer - often five nights a week - I was beat and our family was beat. I worked through several holidays, and Jeremy felt very much like a single parent. Luke would cry when I had to go to work and the house was a losing battle. Jeremy left the decision up to me, he wasn't going to ask me to quit because he knew that I loved the job. But I also knew what it was costing our family and I finally came to a peace about it where I knew it was the right decision. I was ready to stop the madness - realizing that I'd done well, accomplished what I needed to (relationships and finding more of myself again) and I could always come back down the road (maybe when Julianne goes to kindergarten).

Best decision! Over the past several months I've been turning the Titanic around so to speak. Not that Jeremy didn't hold down the fort amazing well. He did! He was super dad. He did all of the cooking that was done, helped Luke with homework, kept them on a schedule, visited me at work all while leading realHope. whew! it makes me tired just writing part of what all he did. That being said, there was still plenty of chaos to sort out. A new family schedule to put in place. The kids have LOVED it. I've loved getting to help teach Luke to read and being more involved in his schooling. I love having dinner together. Now if we could just get that date night we'd be golden! :)

if this is good-bye

2010-08-25T11:55:00.000-04:00

you sure were a sweet kitty, and i loved you very much!

missing the Danes :)

2010-08-13T11:07:00.002-04:00

You are a Blue Dane. You are quiet, introspective, thoughtful, and studious. While a hermit by no means, you prefer the quiet company of a good book, your favorite television show, one or two close friends, or that special someone. You are an introvert at heart, and are quite content in your own company.

i don't know, do i?

2010-07-19T20:52:00.001-04:00

1st pass:

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

2nd pass:

I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

3rd pass:

I write like
Edgar Allan Poe

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

and one to grow on:

back to Dan

(just wanted to see if it was at all consistent. what does that mean? I'm eclectic, spastic, or just plain schizophrenic. ;)

Rhett and Link

2010-07-15T12:11:00.001-04:00

so funny . . . because it's TRUE!

even cooler, they apparently live in the quay, how cool is that?!

Super Six!

2010-05-21T00:53:00.003-04:00

Happy 6th birthday to my little man!!!

We love you so much Luke!

Happy Birthday Hot Stuff!

2010-05-08T00:33:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday to the guy who lights up my world. Here's to a fabulous 31 Honey!!!

And yes, this hottie is all mine!

(Like his new glasses? They make me want to get some - at least for reading. ;)

laugh of recognition

2010-05-02T00:44:00.003-04:00

This is a new Over the Rhine favorite for me. I got to hear it for the first time when they played here in NC a little while back. (It's new!) What a song! It takes my breath away and makes me want to weep every time I hear it. Hope you enjoy!

(thank you Stephen for taking and posting!)

They are currently raising money to produce their next album. Want to help make some music?

an ode to me

2010-04-29T00:23:00.000-04:00

thirty something

2010-04-28T23:36:00.002-04:00

So, I've been plotting this post for several weeks now. Boy let me tell you I've been dreading becoming thirty-one. This one's freaked me out more than turning thirty! There's something about becoming a thirty-something that seems big. It means you've really left your twenties behind. The twenties seem to mean fun to me. A lot of the teen angst has fallen away, you have your new found adult freedoms and still a youthful appreciation for play. The thirties seem to me to be more about settling in to being an adult. Getting serious about being an adult; getting down to business so to speak. You already have to start living with the consequences to decisions you've made. You're married with kids, no turning back now, heh heh. (Not that I would ever think that! ;) You didn't decide to go with medicine (dang it, it might have started to pay off right about now ;) I really shouldn't have used that credit card way back when . . . See what I mean?

All in all though, I know my life is pretty great. So maybe being a "real" adult isn't so bad. In honor of turning thirty something, here are thirty something things I am thankful for in my life. Cheers! ;)

1. him (he makes my world go round, really. he's my sunshine.)

2. that kid (he's amazing, such a little knock-out, hilarious and so bright. i love Luke so much!)

3. that girl of mine (Julianne is something else, she makes my heart beam everyday. I love spending time with her. Waiting to hear what new crazy thing she's going to say today. I'm already so proud of the girl she's becoming!)

4. my friends, the ones that I can't live without! (Suzy, you're amazing! Tim, you're not so bad yourself ;) My dear old ones, like Kimmy, Jenn, Carrie, Emily, Julie, Robin, Stacy and Bethany, and my new ones like Sarah, Ivan & Kara - to name a few)

5. unbelievably awesome family (Newtons - I love you!!! And Vernons too!!!)

6. I got really lucky in the in-law department (the Tudors rock! really, they do.)

7. the animals in my life (i love animals, they make me heart happy - our sweet-most-of-the-time old dog, my sweet kitty, and our 12 fish, and the sweet amazing danes that grace our home from time to time)

8. my garden (the pretty flowers and plants i love)

9. my church family (I couldn't ask for a better one. I love these people!)

10. our home (there's so much I want to do, but I love our peaceful place)

11. my job (it's nice to feel good at something, besides being a mom, and getting to know new people, the free coffee doesn't hurt either :)

12. good health

13. zoloft (I'm feeling really good)

14. good music (OTR forever, new love - Blue October, and Jars of Clay all in between)

15. good coffee (new favorites - Nirvana and African RED, old ones - Komodo and Casi Cielo)

16. Great Danes (getting a new one after next week, yay me!)

17. facebook (i like being in touch with people that I might not otherwise get to keep in touch with, and it makes my GA family seem like they're not so far away)

18. sewing projects (the next one on the horizon - dog beds :)

19. air-conditioning (it really helps my life to go right, what can I say? the a/c works again in the minivan. yay!)

20. Fuquay (i love this town)

21. North Carolina (we have the beach and the mountains, who could ask for more? the state is BEAUTIFUL!)

22. a nice charcoal grill (my mom gave it to us last month as an early birthday present, we've missed grilling out for the past few years, it makes summer cooking so much more fun)

23. comedy (i've discovered that i need it in my life, thanks Jeremy and Jess! the Office and Seinfeld reruns end my night right)

24. idealism and romance (I'm still both an idealist and a romantic. I love that I can dream, what is life without dreams? And the ability to see the world as it should be so that I can work to help make it so. Thanks mom and dad, the original dreamers ;)

25. great books and fun reads (love Audrey Niffenegger, and Stephenie Meyer!)

26. the color green!

27. Sesame Street, really. (what is my day without Sesame Street? and they stay surprisingly current. i love their musical numbers!)

28. costumes (i love, love, love making costumes, whether it be for Halloween or a school event)

29. horses, I love seeing them (and still dreaming of riding them)

30. grace (where would I be without it?)

31. faith, hope and love (i would be nothing without them. I can't imagine my life without God. I thank him for all these things. For life, for love and for the true hope I have in him.)

2010 update

2010-04-20T13:01:00.013-04:00

Hi everyone,

I know I've been MIA. Sorry, I've truly missed you! I've officially lost all hope of "catching up" in way that is satisfactory to me. I'm busy and tired beyond belief most of the time right now. My Starbuck's job somehow morphed into a 5 night a week occupation. And let me tell ya, 5 closes a week leaves a person pooped! I like the night life, but kids don't tend to sleep 'til the necessary 10am to make this a comfortable schedule. And somehow in the process 2:30am has become my new bedtime, accompanied by a required snooze with Julianne watching cartoons on the bed during the afternoon. Jeremy and I keep catching each other coming and going. He works during the day, and then comes home so I can go out the door. No fun! We're hoping to have me taper down to three nights a week at some point.

(I'll also take this moment to vent to you - after 8 months of busting my tail to get "benefits" and sacrificing family time, I came home to a notice of loss of benefits. The kicker is that I lost it by less than two hours! I apparently came in 1.8 hours shy of my necessary hours per quarter. My bad for being naive - I thought I was well over the needed hours for the qtr. But I s'pose it was holidays and snow days the did me in. Naughty, naughty me for taking a few holiday days. Ok, enough whining!*) That's what I've been up to. Needless to say, that means I've also had no time for thinking of or writing clever posts. I'm doing good to just check email.

All that being said, on the upside here are a few things I have managed to accomplish out of my list for 2010.

1. Adopt out our second foster Dane, Reno (seriously an awesome dog, but no, we won't be adopting him - we're staying strong :)

2. Fix Julianne's rocker, sew cushion

3. Organize sewing room, clear out clutter, relocate Colossal crate (no pictures for this! every time I get it cleared out, it gets re-cluttered. :)

8. finish Jeanetta's valance (!!!) (I still need to take pictures)

36. grow flowers, plants from seed with the kids

42. sew Julianne an Easter dress

43. sew myself something fun for Easter

56. do a big ole puzzle (with Luke or a friend) (I did one with Sarah. It had been forever since I'd done one, so it was lots of fun. I didn't technically get to finish putting it together, so I still have plans to do another one.)

61. go to an Over the Rhine concert (even if we have to travel)

*And lest you think that I hate my job at the Bux and find me ungrateful for even having a job, I don't and am not (most of the time :). I have loved getting out of the house, having some "me" time, getting to know new people, being out in the community, helping to contribute to our finances, i like quite a few of my coworkers, love the free coffee and love the environment. I just need balance - add that to my list! :)

Luke's idea

2010-04-16T23:29:00.003-04:00

We were washing off his chore chart, to redo it. This is Luke's idea of what the payoff should be.

This kid is hilarious. He told me that he put only a little points so he could get money quicker and easier. for real.

(The scale before was: 21 stickers - $2, 30 stickers - $5, 42 stickers - $10)

a day that makes me smile

2010-04-15T23:30:00.010-04:00

Today was a good day, the kind of day that makes my heart smile. Lunch with Jeremy and the kids (Mexican, even better). A deliciously long and restoring nap (I was ridiculously exhausted). A sweet evening with my kids at home - two crazy kids that play great together. Beautiful flowers blooming (this is our little white hawthorne shrubs' first year to flower, we planted them a couple of years ago). Using a fun old basket to cut flowers from my yard. Putting together fun flower arrangements all over the place to brighten up the house. Reading and singing to Julianne. Playing Mario with Luke, and then listening to Luke read to Jeremy. What a day.

(bonus points if you remember what this basket is from)

blue skies

2010-04-11T00:36:00.003-04:00

So, I've really been into Blue October's music lately. This song especially today:

Blue skies
Calling on blue skies
Don't take them away, boys
Don't take them away
Cause I'll never stop

I've been to both knees
Raise my hands up to the skies, forgive me
Is something out there far beyond the clouds?
I'm asking help me
Help me to see the world
Through baby eyes and hold me closely
I need a fresh start on the roller coaster
Made for coasting
It's time to wake up, time to make up
Time to shake these memories
It's time to leave the past in the past
And lace up a new set of shoestrings
I want the world to know I've got your back
Through up and down, see
So we can sit together, side by side
Through amazing

Blue skies
Calling on blue skies
Don't take them away, boys
Don't take them away
Cause I'll never stop

So I've broken every bone

And fought through what felt never-ending
I thought my head was made of sadness
But my heart is mending
I scream at sunsets
Give applause to what I can't control
Then somehow laugh at how
The moon divides an ocean solo
I wanna be that ocean
I wanna shine like that
I want to smile so big my daughter jumps into my lap
And I wanna tell her daddy's fine
And always plans to be
Then take her in my arms
This is what we'll always see

Blue skies
Calling on blue skies
Never take them away, boys
Don't take them away
Yeah, shhh

And when I'm gone
I won't go screaming in the end
I'll give you everything my life amounts to
So raise your life up with me
And baby, let's go dancing
Come on!

Well I've broken every bone
And fought through what felt never-ending
I thought my head was made of sadness
My heart is mending
I scream at sunsets
Give applause to what I can't control
Then somehow laugh at how
The moon divides an ocean solo
I wanna be that ocean
I wanna shine like that
I want to smile so big my daughter jumps into my lap
And I wanna tell her daddy's fine
And always plans to be
Then take her in my arms
This is what we'll always see

Just blue skies
Keep calling on blue skies
I'll never take them away, little girl
I'll never take them away
Cause I'll never stop loving my blue skies

I love the desperate optimism of this song.

Easter

2010-04-05T01:10:00.002-04:00

this chick's amazing!

2010-03-20T00:50:00.006-04:00

My awesome SIL Sarah sent me this link. This chick is amazing. Check a new dress a day. She's so creative. It made me think of Suzy and Jess! Ah, the possibilities. I especially love the budget - it's probably my favorite part. Now that's a real creative challenge!

This was her day one:

one sweet day

2010-03-15T11:02:00.002-04:00

This week in particular I'm remembering my dear Aunt Christy. It's been 6 years that she passed away - gone too soon. I still miss her very much and remember her life with immense love and gratitude. I love you Aunt Christy and look forward to that sweet day I'll see your face again.

all i need is

2010-03-12T19:21:00.003-05:00

So, our favorite band is coming to town and we actually get to go see them. I am super dee duper excited. We have tickets AND a babysitter. J's parents have agreed to watch the kids over night, since it will be so late when we get back. (does it get any better?!) Over the Rhine is playing tomorrow night in Carrboro,NC. This is a post I did a while back the last time they came to Raleigh - with a few fun facts and trivia about OtR. And if you look back through my posts, they are a recurring thread.

Why do I love them so much? Their music has basically been a soundtrack to our life for the past 12 years. J introduced me to them when we first started dating. I was hooked from the first time I heard, my now favorite song, Latter Days (from Good Dog Bad Dog). We saw our first concert in ATL, and our second in 2003 when Luke was still in utero in Chapel Hill. We listened to Snow Angel on our way to the hospital for Jules' c-section. And you know that we really, really love you, if we give you an OtR cd. We've had countless dinners, trips, holidays and car-rides to their music. I love the way they seem to capture the human predicament with an eloquent and even painful honesty. It's music I can live with. Here's to many more years of good music.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be.

Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy.

And I use these words pretty loosely.

There's so much more to life than words.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear. Call it the shadow of myself.

And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully.

I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days.

Nothin' like sleepin' on a bed of nails. Nothin' much here but our broken dreams.

Ah, but baby if all else fails, nothin' is ever quite what it seems.

And I'm dyin' inside to leave you with more than just cliches.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear. Call it the shadow of myself.

And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully.

I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days.

But tell them it's real. Tell them it's really real.

I just don't have much left to say.

They've taken their toll these latter days.

~ Latter Days, Good Dog Bad Dog, Over the Rhine

my colors are

2010-03-02T00:03:00.002-05:00

The Dewey Color System® is now the world's most accurate career testing instrument.
This report based on your personality traits indicates your two most enjoyable day-day-day occupation skills.

Best Occupational Category

You're a CREATOR

Keywords

Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category

You're an ORGANIZER

Keywords:

Self-Control, Practical, Self-Contained, Orderly, Systematic, Precise, and Accurate

These conservative appearing, plotting-types enjoy organizing, data systems, accounting, detail, and accuracy. They often enjoy mathematics and data management activities such as accounting and investment management. Persistence and patience allows them to do detailed paperwork, operate office machines, write business reports, and make charts and graphs.

there is a way

2010-02-22T11:13:00.004-05:00

You say love is just a word, just four letters in a row.

Just a thing that people say, or they never tell you so.

And you use every excuse, to let nobody in.

Now this cloud you bring around, has become your only friend.

And everybody saying that it's going to go away, but it don't go.

And everybody's telling you one day it's going to change,

but you don't know, if it's really going to end.

But there is a way, there is a spark,

there is a hope that you can hold on to.

There is a lifeline come to the rescue,

just like a hand that's waiting for you.

And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone.

There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way.

But if love became a man, if the word had flesh and bone.

Would you recognize His face, if He came to bring you home.

You think you're all alone, gotta do it on your own riding solo.

Is there someone you can call, when you stumble and fall?

Cause you don't know, if you'll be getting up again.

There is a way, there is a spark,

there is a hope that you can hold on to.

There is a lifeline come to the rescue,

just like a hand that's waiting for you.

And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone.

There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way.

Don't you think your life's worth saving?

Don't you know that love's amazing?

Don't you want to lay your troubles down?

Lay them down.

If I thought love was just a word, I might feel the same way too.

But there's so much more than that, and it's waiting here for you.

There is a way, there is a spark,

there is a hope that you can hold on to.

There is a lifeline come to the rescue,

just like a hand that's waiting for you.

And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone.

There is a way,

there is a way,

there is a way.

Truth and the life and the way.

Come on, there is a way.

Truth and the life and the way.

Ooooh, there is a way back home.

Truth and the life and the way.

There is a way - Newworldson

Kinetix

2010-02-22T10:56:00.003-05:00

About a month ago, I came across a promotional email for Starbuck's partners. It offered signing up for a fitness program for free - with a free scale. We haven't had a scale since we were first married, so I thought, well, I'll at least get a free scale. I soon started getting personal welcome emails from the Kinetix community, a phone call from my own personal coach, Ben, and my welcome box. A really cool scale, that measures % body fat and water. The program is packaged really well and included a journal. So, it just makes you want to open it and start reading. I soon visited the website, and then I was in.

Jeremy has even said he would do it with me. It's taken us a couple of weeks to get started. It will completely change how we eat (which has needed to happen for quite some time anyway). And we needed to pick up some weights. We are also learning to plan our meals, and where to shop for things we never shop for (like protein powder, and Greek yogurt). I am even trying sugar-free creamer (which, if you know me, you know I don't do diet - or artificial sweeteners). yikes!

The entire program is based on nutrition and fitness. You eat balanced 40-40-20 (carbs, protein, fat), six times a day. You exercise six days a week, 3 days strength training, 3 days cardio, and Sunday you rest. The coach checks in weekly with an email report you send in to track your progress. And there is an entire online community to connect with for encouragement, ideas, questions and recipes.

This is definitely a challenge, but I'm really excited about it. This morning J and I have both done our strength training. A good start!

I liked this video. Starbuck's is such a great company to work for. I love it that they have partnered with Kinetix to give their partners the opportunity to stay healthy.

Find more videos like this on The Kinetix Community

costume hero

2010-02-17T00:35:00.002-05:00

So, I'm doing late night research on a couple of costumes I've been sweet-talked into making. (Thanks Suzy for encouraging him! ;) I just came across this blog. Super cool stuff, and tutorials! Beetlecat Originals! Sweet! Take a look at these masks!

mystery

2010-02-01T23:52:00.005-05:00

Today Mystery came over to stay with us for the week. She's a friend's foster Dane (her foster mom is having surgery this week). She's enormous, but very sweet. Yes, she may be part cow. :) The dogs have done well together so far I'd say.

Dinner, with a capital D

2010-02-01T23:29:00.002-05:00

Dinner tonight. Jeremy made it. Special occasion? Nope.
He's just amazing like that.

over the river and through the woods

2010-02-01T23:12:00.006-05:00

We braved the snow and ice on Sunday afternoon (well, J did, he did the driving :) to have lunch with his parents. I always love the drive to their house down 42. It's so beautiful - old barns, cow pastures, horses . . . The view was breathtaking, and of course the pictures don't do it justice.

Julianne "helping" Papa and J get lunch ready, and guarding the sweet tea. :) She's recently learned to climb up and sit on the stool. She's so proud of herself!

little Strawberry cushion

2010-02-01T23:02:00.004-05:00

This is what I made while snowed in. Yes, something to check off my list! I got the rocking chair a while back for Julianne's birthday. I bought it off of craig's list, but it needed more work than I realized (surprise!). So I add metal braces along the bottom, to fully secure the glued seams. And made a strawberry cushion for my little strawberry girl. I love this rocker because it's unique and old, but also because it's a little bigger than most childrens' rocking chairs. She loves it. (She loves anything that's her size. ;)

It really SNOWed!

2010-02-01T22:15:00.011-05:00

I know that my northern friends won't be impressed. But this weekend it actually snowed. A real snow - more than 5 inches. Our house has been ecstatic. Luke has only experienced snow a couple of times in his life - Jules only once. Every year Luke asks me if it will snow. Whole winters pass without snow, or rumors of snow just turn into dreary rain. But this weekend our whole house (and state) was blanketed with this stark white beauty. As you can imagine, everything shut down. I got a couple of days off of work (yes, even Starbucks closed), and Luke got two whopping days off from school. We had a blast being snowed in. Keeping a fire going in the fireplace. Jess stayed over. We played games, had some friends over, and just in general enjoyed the cozy inside, and the beautiful outside. Luke played some, and we took a short evening walk as a family, with the dogs. It was fun. And I must say kudos to Jeremy. He was pretty brave taking this crazy Dane for a walk on ice, and no one fell. We're going to have to go to the library tomorrow. We're getting a little stir crazy! Here are some pics from our snowy fun.

Kreativ

2010-01-27T22:57:00.003-05:00

Big thanks to my SIL, Sarah for nominating me as one of her Kreativ Bloggers. So per the rules, here are 7 things you may not know about me:

1. My favorite rappers are Eminem and Kanye (yikes! I know - Eli asked me at work tonight)
2. My favorite song is Unchained Melody, because of the movie Ghost. ditto!
3. I always see 11:11 on the clock.
4. I grew up like a twin with my adopted sister, Ana. I'm one month older than her, and we look nothing alike. But we grew up together since we were newborns, and did everything together.
5. I can't dance. I really wish I could. I've only danced a few times in my life (prom, and slow-danced at a few weddings) I just freeze up and am entirely too self-conscious.
6. I've been on several medical mission trips as a Spanish/English translator. I loved doing it, and would love to do it again some day.
7. In college, a few of my friends said I was Janice the muppet, because I had long hair, dressed like a hippy and I guess, was just overall smooth like that.

So, there you have it! I am giving this award to these fine bloggers:

1. Suzy at See Suzy Spin
2. Suzy for Oscar at Oscar's Odyssey
3. Jeremy at Navigation Uncharted
4. Creative Chicks
5. Rachel at .Worship in Beauty.
6. Chris at Great Danes and Coffee Stains
7. Jenn at the DeVarnne News

Kreativ Blogger Award Rules

1. Thank the person giving the award (Thanks Sarah!!!)

2. Copy the award to your blog

3. Place a link to their blog

4. Name 7 things people don't know about you

5. Nominate 7 bloggers

6. Place a link to those bloggers

7. Leave a comment letting those bloggers know about the award

I've got plans for 2010!

2010-01-26T22:16:00.011-05:00

Watch out 2010, here I come!

Here's my to do list / goals for 2010 (inspired by my sweet Suzy Q):

1. Adopt out our second foster Dane, Reno (seriously an awesome dog, but no, we won't be adopting him - we're staying strong :)

2. Fix Julianne's rocker, sew cushion

3. Organize sewing room, clear out clutter, relocate Colossal crate

4. Sew two dog beds

5. Reorganize downstairs closet, laundry closet, upstairs hall closet

6. Scrape popcorn ceiling in kitchen

7. repaint walls and cabinets in kitchen

8. finish Jeanetta's valance (!!!)

9. sew random army pillow cases for Luke

10. put recent pictures in new frames

11. put ceiling fan in sewing room

12. scrape popcorn ceiling in Master, hall, two bathrooms

13. new flooring in master, hall and Julianne's room

14. repaint Master

15. paint and repair master bathroom

16. paint and redecorate kids bathroom

17. fix or replace light fixture in Julianne's closet

18. Hang rods and sew curtains for Jule's room

19. Add shelf and make desk platform for Luke's room

20. sell old bedroom suite, start buying pieces of new one

21. Make and sell great dane food stands

22. mulch outside

23. gravel and stone a patio

24. plant red rose, and add more perennial flowers

25. buy new area rug

26. frame and hang wedding pictures

27. add book shelves to our room

28. learn to successfully pick a lock :)

29. learn to shoot at a shooting range

30. hold a Halloween party at our house again (and invite a ton of people)

31. Make some super sweet costumes for our whole family (I already have ideas!)

32. Put faux wood blinds on all the main windows

33. make some fun throw pillows for living room and nook

34. sew cushion and valances for nook

35. learn to make cheese straws successfully :)

36. grow flowers, plants from seed with the kids

37. take dogs for regular walks

38. get a bicycle, and go for rides with the kids

39. finish Luke's first year scrapbook

40. make Julianne a scrapbook

41. do a regular lunch bunch with Luke

42. sew Julianne an Easter dress

43. sew myself something fun for Easter

44. go horse back riding again

45. get my first set of boots

46. replace ceiling fan in master

47. read Jane Austen (sadly for the first time, I know Suzy, I know!)

48. Read Anne Rice's second Jesus book, and new angel book

49. do crafts with Julianne

50. read the Bible

51. reupholster old arm chair

52. paint hallway, touch up living room and ceiling

53. finish quarter round

54. Make cushions for porch chairs - bought!

55. paint lounge chairs and get new cushions

56. do a big ole puzzle (with Luke or a friend)

~~57. hit a steady stride with cafe Mom, and keep up blog~~

58. get a Droid (or at least a new cell)

~~59. go to church planting conference in April~~

60. take both kids to the zoo

61. go to an Over the Rhine concert (even if we have to travel)

62. go to the beach at least 5 1 times this summer

63. take Luke on regular mommy and me dates

64. make a quilt for someone special

65. make two new knit caps for myself

66. potty train Julianne

Coco

2010-01-24T00:18:00.004-05:00

We love you Coco!

In our house we're big Conan O'Brien fans. Jeremy got me hooked on his show in college. We were thrilled with his move to the Late Night show, and we loved his brief stint. We're so bummed that he's been ousted, but wish he, his family, his staff and their families the absolute best. I guess we'll be going to bed earlier now - at least until he finds a new home. I really loved his final farewell last night. What a guy!

Pee Wee's Playhouse

2010-01-22T11:48:00.000-05:00

Marina Script

2010-01-12T22:41:00.004-05:00

So, my type is Marina Script.

A 1936 version of a writing style centuries old. Delicately emotional swoops and serifs delivered with an aristocratic precision and restraint.

(Thanks Suzy for the link. I love it. To find yours go here. The password is "character.")

surfacing

2010-01-06T13:11:00.004-05:00

where to start, where to start . . .

Where have I been you might be wondering. Besides the normal holiday craziness and my new part-time job. Which, though I may only work 4 nights a week, seems to alter my entire schedule. Fostering Great Danes for MAGDRL. Continuing to be support staff for realHope (now in it's third year).

During the past six months I've been under water so to speak. It's no news to most that I struggle with the blues. If you just met me, you probably wouldn't know. It's not really obvious. I don't wear black. I try not to cry or look sad in public. Most people see me as somewhat smiley and I hope, kind to others. This is something different, but not unique. This is a silent battle (mostly). One that goes through cycles. I have been rather private about it. There's no way around the social stigma. In some ways the issue can become explosive, especially when it hits close to home. Is it real? Is medicine really necessary? For a while, I've felt particularly sensitive about being honest, because of haunting words from a once-friend. It was once questioned whether I could be a minister's wife, let alone, plant a church , if I struggle with depression. That demon has certainly played with my mind time and again. Who do I think I am? The crazy thing is that if we lived under that type of thinking - not one of us would be good enough to do anything. It's often those of us who think we have everything figured out, that have the deepest seated problems (buried far beneath the perfect facade). That's why we've said from the get-go that we're not perfect - not one of us. realHope is a "no perfect people allowed" type of place.

Where does the pain come from? My life is good. It has nothing to do with that. My particular problem deals with anxiety. Mostly caused by change. The problem is, that life is change. Stress is a major contributor, yet stress is unavoidable. There will usually be several catalysts which cause the slow and steady descent. I'd gotten to the point where I was having at least one panic attack every day. It wasn't good.

And yet there is always hope and the coming back up. Where does my hope come from? God? certainly. One's faith/belief/thought system effects everything. It's the premise you build your life around. My faith is one of hope. My hope comes from those I have surrounded myself by. Jeremy, my life line. Genuine friends. Positive people to look up to and sometimes emulate. My hope also comes from the camaraderie of the many, many others who quietly rage, mostly inside themselves with this dark sickness. A group of people who are seeking to be honest, to shed light on a real problem, to dispel ignorant ideas, to help one another make it through to the light at the end of the tunnel - again and again.

A couple of months back I was introduced to the band Blue October (by way of Stephanie Meyer). I heard the song "Hate Me" and there was a deep resonating understanding. This music isn't for everyone. It's not neat and clean. But it is honest. It explores the anger, even rage, the despair, the confusion, and the longing at the center of the struggle. The lead, Justin Furstenfeld, battles with bi-polar disorder. The band was scheduled to do a major two-night performance in collaboration with TWLOHA (To Write Love on Her Arms, an organization I love). He actually had to postpone, due to another low. I love that he was honest. It means everything, for someone to publicly acknowledge a problem, bring light to it, and be consistent. I hope that I can be transparent. Be vulnerable enough to say, this is a real problem, which I happen to have too. Let's do life together, and one way or another we'll get through this.

I have also switched medicines. Going from Prozac (which I'd been on for 7 years) to Zoloft. Which apparently is particularly helpful with the anxiety side of depression. I am about a month and a half in. I'm slowly feeling like "myself" again. It's slow and steady, certainly not immediate. But, God, it is so good to come for air! (If you've read this far, thanks for hanging in there! :)

a few of our favorite things

2009-12-28T23:04:00.010-05:00

These are a few of our favorite Christmas gifts. My grandmother made me this kettle pot holder as part of a gift basket. I cherish it.
Tim made Jeremy this super cool Book box.

Suzy, queen of craft, made this marker keeper for Luke. He loves it!

She also made an adorable set of felt foods - complete with Chinese takeout box, two fortune cookies with fortunes and three sushi rolls. How cool is that?!

And they sent me this super cool handmade rice comfort wrap. You can microwave it for heat, or freeze it for cold. This will come in super handy on these cold winter nights, especially for relaxing achy feet after work.

what Christmas means to me

2009-12-28T21:40:00.010-05:00

Though we may be worn out from the Holiday festivities marathon, we had a blast.

From picking out our Christmas tree at our favorite lot in Fuquay (the oldest lot in town), visiting Santa at the mall, celebrating with the realHope family at our Christmas party,

having early Christmas with Papa and J and spending the night at their house, to driving down to Atlanta as soon as I got off work Tuesday night, around 10pm to my folks' house.

Amidst all the Christmas crazy and in spite of it, it is so great to be around family. To laugh, to cringe, to play, to drink warm drinks and yummy food, to give of your heart, to catch up. I'm so thankful that I got to go down and see my GA family. Although, it's so good to be back home in NC, I already miss them! I hope you and yours have enjoyed this holiday season. Much love.

our 2009 year-end letter

2009-12-28T21:33:00.001-05:00

because you know you want it (hee hee)

Merry Christmas!

Dear Friends and Family,

We hope this December finds you well and enjoying this Christmas season. This has been both a challenging and an exciting year for us. At the beginning of the year, Jeremy was laid off from his job. Although unexpected, it proved to be a positive thing for our family and the church. Jeremy was then able to devote himself fully to realHope, which has grown and thrived as a result.

At the end of 2009 we find ourselves having doubled in size again. We are consistently between 40 and 50. And even more importantly, realHope has grown in spirit. There is a beautiful and strong bond. It is very much a family. We have all commented that it has been through all of our mutual struggles that we have grown closer together and closer to God. This year, we celebrated eight baptisms and numerous child and baby dedications. We’ve enjoyed serving the community: providing a Spring Fling cookout and Easter egg hunt, a summer of family gathering events (including game night, ice cream night and family movie night), a 4th of July celebration, and a wonderful Trick-or-Treat Fall Bash. Three relational (or small/Bible study) groups currently meet, including our mom’s group. We were also thrilled with the addition of our volunteer staff members: Bonni as Connections director, David and Scott as Youth Leaders, and Bethany as Children’s Director.

Christie’s sister Jessica has continued to do a wonderful job as Worship Leader at realHope. Her presence in the community at Starbuck’s and at church has been such a positive and encouraging influence. She spent three months living with us this spring. Then moved into her own place around the corner from the church house, rented from the mayor of Fuquay. She also went from working bivocationally at Starbuck’s, to working as Spanish and Bible Teacher at Cape Fear Christian Academy. We continue to love having Aunt Jess so close by. We don’t know what we would do without her!

Christie has continued to serve realHope as Mom’s director. The playgroup she leads on Fridays from 10am-12pm, Café Mom, took on a new step, offering a 45-minute break period with childcare. They have enjoyed devotions, special topics, crafts and special outings. Christie loves working with fellow Moms and their families! In October she started working at Starbuck’s part-time, four nights a week. Although, this has been challenging for all of us, it has also been a great blessing. It has given Christie some time out, helped us meet ends financially, and to get to know more people in the community. (Not to mention the free coffee! J )

Luke turned five this year and started Kindergarten this fall. He has loved it – jumping right in! We couldn’t have asked for a better teacher. She is absolutely wonderful. He is learning by leaps and bounds, and loves having his independence. He had his very first school performance in November, sang and did the motions! We were so proud. Christie went with him on his very first field trip in December. We’ve also enjoyed visiting him at school during Lunch Bunch (you read to he and a group of kids during lunch). Grandma J has also begun volunteering in his class once a week (which he loves!). His favorite things right now are all things army, and computer games.

Julianne turned two this November. She has gone from walking to prissing around very quickly. As much as Luke is all boy, she is all girl! She loves to jibber-jabber. She has us all wrapped around her little finger. She began climbing out of her bed in November. So on her birthday, we converted her bed into a toddler bed. (Already!) She and Christie love their one-on-one time together. Her favorite things right now are Sesame Street and Strawberry Shortcake.

As if our plates weren’t already full! We began fostering Great Danes in September. This was a really positive experience, especially for Christie who loves animals and especially this breed. Our first foster, Stetson was adopted this week. We look forward to fostering again in the New Year.

Well, we’ve wagged your ears long enough! We look forward to catching up with you face to face. We wish you all the love this Christmas that your hearts can hold. May God bless you throughout this New Year!

Love Always,
Jeremy, Christie, Luke & Julianne Tudor
December 14, 2009

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Family Christmas Pictures

2009-12-28T21:26:00.007-05:00

A few of our favorites, compliments of Jess photography ;)

Happy Christmas

2009-12-25T14:30:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

all I want for Christmas is You

2009-12-22T13:33:00.003-05:00

Eggnog or hot chocolate? hot CHOCOLATE (particularly darker cocoas - like SB's Signature Hot Chocolate - or even better Espresso Truffle - you get both! yes I'm officially a Starbuck's snob as if you didn't know :)

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree?

the big Santa gift is unwrapped, the stockings are filled by him, and some misc ones under the tree are left from him. A couple are given from Mom and Dad.

Colored lights on a tree or white? We've had white ever since we were married (10 years). The past couple of years we added red cranberry ball lights too.

Do you hang mistletoe? No, I'd love to but won't pay for the real. I always dream of climbing a tree to get my own. (Maybe some year I will.)

When do you put your decorations up? weekend or week after Thanksgiving

What is your favorite holiday dish? hmmm - homemade tamales! After that, probably stuffing

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? no, but we did open a few early with Papa and J - that was really fun - we even spent the night.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Lots of white old fashioned looking lights, a couple of strands of cranberry ball lights, homemade ornaments from our first Christmas, special ones we've gotten special places, and a blown glass ball strand around. I love our newest additions - handmade ones by the kids!

Snow: love it or hate it? Love it - wish we had it. We only get it once in a blue moon! Luke always asks if we'll see it this year. I hope so.

Can you ice skate? no, bad ankle. I did a couple of times when I was little. (More of a roller skater - or was :)

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Shortbread cookies and Mexican Wedding Cookies, Coconut Cream Pie (my neighbor makes), Pecan Pie (said pee-can :)

What is your favorite holiday tradition? waking up Christmas morning with our kids, and spending Christmas evening with my whole family (Grandma, Uncles and everyone)

Candy canes: yum or yuck? yum, when I was little I loved to see how sharp I could get the end.

Favorite Christmas show? The original Grinch and the Family Man (with Nicholas Cage)

i love this song

2009-12-15T00:23:00.000-05:00

Grape Danes

2009-12-12T10:33:00.002-05:00

parched

2009-12-07T09:24:00.004-05:00

Yesterday with realHope was like a torrential rain on parched earth. My soul has felt so weary lately, and I'm finding myself depleted. I'm so grateful for the realHope family. It really is a family to me. I especially loved this song (I'll post it on the right for you to hear if you like):

Everyone needs compassion, Love that's never failing; Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness, The kindness of a Saviour; The Hope of nations.
Saviour, He can move the mountains, My God is Mighty to save, He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave.
So take me as You find me, All my fears and failures, Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow Everything I believe in, Now I surrender.
Shine your light and let the whole world see,We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

Might to Save - Fielding, Ben; Morgan, Reuben

And some excerpts from Psalms 107:

¹ Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever. . .

¹³ Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.

¹⁴ He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.

¹⁵ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for humankind,

¹⁶ for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron. . .

³⁵ He turned the desert into pools of water
and the parched ground into flowing springs; . .

⁴³ Let all who are wise heed these things
and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD.

(picture by dave)

who could ask for more?

2009-11-26T10:54:00.009-05:00

a husband like this

a kid like this

a little girl like this

a church and a dream like this

friends and family like these

a kitty like this

and good dogs like these

my heart is full.

Julianne's 2nd Birthday!

2009-11-24T14:22:00.000-05:00

Jules is Two!

2009-11-24T13:28:00.000-05:00

New Moon

2009-11-24T13:13:00.006-05:00

Ok, seriously time to catch up - so prepare for a torrent of posts.

Last week I got to go to the New Moon premiere, a 12am showing with some girlfriends. We had an absolute blast! I don't think we ever stopped giggling the whole night. I LOVED the movie - I thought they did a great job with this one. (I own Twilight, but thought, overall, it sucked.) Everything was much improved - the actors were much more at home in their roles, better make-up, bigger budget allowed for great special effects, and I think the director did a great job with the overall adaptation.

As you would expect, there were a few things changed or altered for the sake of the movie, but they were things that I thought added to the movie experience (like Bella's monologues/thoughts in the form of e-mails to Alice, rather than a constant voice over. I also really like the scene with Jacob as wolf versus Edward.) The only thing I really missed, but understand why they changed, was the reconciliation discussion which takes place back home, but in the movie is consolidated into the bell tower scene. I liked the way Bella was reluctant to give up the dream and have "the discussion" in the actual book.) Anyhow, so great, and I can't wait to go again. We plan to go with my SIL's this week. (And yes, I know I'm a geek - I made my green "Oh, I'm with the Vampires" shirt for the premiere.)

NY in November

2009-11-22T22:44:00.000-05:00

Sandwiched in between all the craziness, we took a quick trip to NY mid November without the kids. We went up to Long Island (for the first time) to see some very dear friends renew their vows for their 25th anniversary. Jeremy officiated, and I just got to enjoy everything. They held the celebration at the Daniel Miller House. Such a beautiful place!!! The food, drinks and company were exquisite. Rick and Suzanne are the most gracious hosts you could ask for. Suzanne gave us a quick tour of the neighborhood. All I can say is it's even gorgeous on a cold misty Fall day. The trip was a great time to be able to spend just the two of us, getting to have adult conversation. It was also fun to see the two pugs I used to watch when they were puppies, Gabe and Gretsky. We had a blast cuddling by the fire. We ended the trip with a night at the Bomgardners. Suzy and I crammed hours of conversation into the night, staying up til 3am giggling and talking. (I never do that anymore, but it was the best!) It was so great to see them, and hug Oscar in person. This little guy will just melt your heart. I can't wait to see them for longer next time. Seriously Bomgardners, when are you coming to Fuquay?
Over the course of the trip we visited 4 different Starbuck's. I must say I loved using my new partner discount. It was so great! We had a blast, but were definitely ready to see the kids when we got home. We were so ready to see them in fact, that we didn't even stop at Ikea, which is saying something.

so funny

2009-11-20T16:52:00.001-05:00

he's my very own

2009-11-19T21:00:00.003-05:00

(he's even staying behind with the kids - without complaint - so I can go with the girls)
seriously, the best guy ever.

definitely Team Edward

2009-11-19T20:36:00.003-05:00

NM Day!

2009-11-19T00:05:00.003-05:00

going to the premiere with the girls tonight (Th) at the 12am showing! so excited.

Wild Things

2009-10-27T14:38:00.005-04:00

We took the kids to see Where the Wild Things Are on Saturday. (Unfortunately, Jules didn't last all the way through, but we knew it was a gamble. J graciously took one for the team, and let me stay with Luke to finish out the movie.) It was beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! I've heard a few people say that they were disappointed, or that it isn't for kids. I knew it was on the artsy side, but I'd already previewed the soundtrack, and had already fallen in love with the music (which is artsy and different to begin with). I must say that they did a phenomenal job with the cinematography, costumes (stellar!), music (like I said, so great!), set design and locale (breathtaking). As for kid-friendly, Luke, who is 5, enjoyed it. Although, he may not understand the grander themes of the movie, he was able to empathize and follow the main character, and absolutely loved the monsters and the set.

I think where the movie throws some people off, is that it isn't the type of book adaptation that takes the framework of the story and then fleshes out some new elaborate plot with twists and turns. It seems to be a concept movie with lots of artistic beauty. It takes the general framework of the story book and presents general ideas, themes, truths, tying it all together with music and beauty to provoke thought and emotion. My favorite song on the soundtrack is Worried Shoes. It haunts me. It's both moving and heartbreaking. Someone told me that the move was sad, but I wouldn't say that. It is touching. There are sad elements to it, but on the whole, I thought the tone was hopeful.

Besides being excited to see it, just for it's own sake. One of my Danish relatives, Erik Jessen, was Associate Editor. How cool is that?

My favorite line is when K.W. says to Max, "It's hard to be a family." That's the thought I took away from it. Life is hard, even family can be hard. Whether it is blood, friends or community. But at the end of the day, we need each other, and that's what binds us. It's worth the effort and even the struggle, because that's where we find love.

real Hope

2009-10-27T14:30:00.005-04:00

We celebrated four baptisms on Sunday. It is such pure joy to see hope changing people's lives in small and dramatic ways. Congrats Kate, John, Angela and Jan. We are so happy for you! Much love.

Videos of the baptisms are in Adam T's video folder or posted on Jeremy's profile page.

proud and letting go

2009-10-27T14:14:00.003-04:00

So, it looks like Stetson won't be around for the Holidays after all. Many of you know that we got involved with Mid Atlantic Great Dane Rescue League, fostering Great Danes. Our very first, Stetson, came to us in September in some sad shape (severely malnourished, dehydrated, heartworms and whipworms). He has absolutely melted our hearts and feels very much a part of this family now. We've talked for a while about whether or not we could adopt him. Besides the fact that we just don't have the funds to adopt right now (if you foster, all you provide is the food), he had major issues with the stairs. Which didn't make sense for long term.

However, in my head, because he had so much to recover from, I really thought he would be with us through the Holidays, recovering. And that maybe by then we'd be in a place to adopt him. This week his bio went live on the MAGDRL website and he already has three people in line interested in him. I was trying really hard not to be heartbroken last night and even this morning. But, the truth is that I have really enjoyed fostering, which we wouldn't be able to continue to do if we adopted him. And I love Stetson enough to let him go to a family that does have the funds, and can lavish him with everything he needs and more. I'm just grateful that I've gotten to be a part of nursing him back to health. It's done wonders for my heart too. He has been an absolute joy.

This weekend, he decided that he could go up the stairs by himself which was such HUGE progress for him, but still needed LOTS of help getting back down. Well, this morning, he learned to go back down all by himself! He has taken my breath away. He has already gone up and down the stairs a ton today. I'm so proud of him. Whoever adopts him is going to be super lucky. He is my giant Sweetie!

welcome to Starbuck's in Fuquay, this is Christie, how may I help you?

2009-10-27T13:52:00.003-04:00

It's always dangerous when I blog or write anything for that matter when I'm tired. But I'm going to give it a good go, because at this rate I'll never blog.

Several weeks ago, we took trips to VA, and our stress level had peaked. Which led to the decision for me to pick up some evening hours at the Fuquay Starbucks. Jeremy had picked up hours again at the Sheraton, but the schedule was simply not working out. It was adding stress rather than relieving it. I'd kicked around the idea of working at SB for a while. But, as many of you know, my sis, Jess worked there for the past year, and I didn't want to crowd her space. Well, several months ago, she took a teaching position at Cape Fear Christian Academy as their Spanish teacher. So, she put in a good word for me and the rest is history. (Thanx a million Jess!!!)

I'm going into my third week there, and I love it. I knew from Jess that the training was pretty intense (in terms of material you go through), but I have to say I'm so impressed with the company. They really make their people learn their stuff. And they take care of them. We can say all we want about the big bad coffee company. But at the end of the day, that same coffee company is going to allow me and my family to have health insurance, including vision and dental, within three months and only working part-time. Oh yeah!

I can't tell you what a relief it has been to have the hope of health insurance by the new year, and to start seeing some extra funds come in. The church is still doing really well, and we truly hope that by year's end, that they will be able to start paying Jeremy full-time. Between now and December, we are simply staying focused, and hanging tough. We see the hand of God moving in our church and in our community. He is simply doing things in his timing. Which can be so hard to walk through, but has spiritually grown our family and our church family by leaps and bounds. In the next post, I'll share some more great news with you.

All to say, that things are positive. Not easy, but good. I guess who says good is supposed to be easy right? On the selfish side of things, I have been absolutely reveling in getting out of the house every evening to work. It has been so fun to go and meet new people, and be out in the community. And if you know me, I've always loved a good coffee house! It's been a nice change. I still get to stay home with Jules during the day, and contribute financially at night. For Jeremy, it's been more difficult. He has the added challenge of working his day, and then having the kids by himself at night. But I can't say enough about him. He is such a great Dad and husband, and does it all with amazing grace. Honey, you rock!

thanks

2009-10-20T23:18:00.000-04:00

(Good song, compliments of Dr. Linville.)

beauty

2009-10-15T10:46:00.002-04:00

"All around us God's creation shouts of his beauty and his goodness. The silhouette of lace on a barren tree draped with ice, the rays of sun streaming forth from a billowing cloud, the sound of a brook trickling over smooth stones, the form of a woman's body, and the face of a child anticipating the arrival of the ice cream truck all speak of God's good heart if we will have the eyes to see. The coming of spring after a hard winter is almost too glorious for a soul to bear. God's beauty is lavished on the world."

~Eldredge, Captivating

Virginia Beach

2009-10-08T10:50:00.001-04:00

in pictures

2009-10-07T18:04:00.005-04:00

Today I'm wishing life were more like pictures. Pictures are simple in a lot of ways. Some would argue there's not even really a bad picture. Pictures are art - just a perspective. A shot worth a thousand words. It's so funny, because you can see a picture, or even a whole album of them and get an idea. Like, boy that looks like fun! Wow, what a vacation! Wow, you know . . . whatever. But the truth is that there are a million variables around the periphery of the picture. What was happening at the time? What happened just before, or just after?

I know quite a few people who are awesome fakers. They have the uncanny ability to smile and look pleasant, and make you truly believe that that's exactly how they feel. I've talked about this whole subject to a couple of you before. I can look at a friend's pictures and turn absolutely green with envy. Mooning at the greener grass. But I've often found that the reality right around those very pictures was a lot less rosy. Blogs are funny too, because you can say whatever you want. You can paint life with words to give the best picture possible. Life just isn't picture perfect. It's so much more pleasant to make it seem that way. That's why I tend to do it. I'm not saying the world needs anymore ugly brutal honesty. I can't do that anyway. Not with all of cyberspace. I guess today, I just wish life were more simple.

I'm stressed if you can't tell. Beyond adequate words. It's not that life is bad. It's just always complicated.

shoes

2009-09-29T21:16:00.001-04:00

I'm pretty sure these are the Fall shoes I want, cute huh?

Dog Day @ Womble on Saturday

2009-09-21T10:13:00.002-04:00

hee hee

2009-09-17T23:37:00.000-04:00